Parenting Advice on Sleep-Overs

Children love to go on sleep-overs with their friends - or to camps and other special events for kids. But for some children their fear of sleeping away from home overshadows the daytime fun - perhaps even to the extent that they simply won't go. If your child is struggling with such a fear, perhaps this will help you to help her.

First of all, recognize the fact that it is a problem and most probably your child wants to get rid of it even more than you may want. So, ridiculing him by saying things like, ‘don't be such a baby,’ will only aggravate the problem. This is the time your child needs all your support and understanding. You will need to come up with a well-defined strategy to help your child overcome his fear. You may take help of experts through books or on the internet, if you can’t think of a plan yourself.

Fear is an illogical emotion; you can’t get rid of it by just reasoning. You have to work on it by using a process of gradual desensitization. First get to the root of the problem. Many times the problem is not about sleep-overs only; it is deeper than that. May be the child does not feel secure being away from the mother, and even sleeping away from her in the other room is a big challenge!

Regardless of the degree of the problem, you have to begin by identifying your child’s comfort levels. If your child wants to be near you, he will prefer to sleep on the floor in your room rather than be comfortably tucked-in in his bed in his room. May be he is comfortable in his room if you keep the door open. There will be some children who don’t mind going over to stay with people they are familiar with, such as grandparents or uncles and aunts. So, this is where you must make a careful study and identify the problem.

Next, get some cooperation. Agree on some tasty goal that you child would really like to be able to accomplish - like a sleep over for her friend's birthday party, or going to camp in the summer. Write this down.

The point is to start with an overnight stay away from home in a place where your child is physically and emotionally comfortable. And then, gradually get him ready for a camp for five nights. May be you will have to start by getting your child to sleep in his room with the door shut. Be very sensitive to your child’s emotions and give him time to work on his fear. Don’t be in a rush; it is not going to help any one.

Of course, you will need to adapt this plan according to your own circumstances. For instance, you might have to break each step into smaller parts and give ample time to move from one step to the next. Fear is a deep-seated illogical emotion; it needs time to work on it. Always start with what is pleasant and desirable and gradually move towards the goal. Start with what he is comfortable with doing right now. Then take the next step, such as moving from the floor next to your bed, to the floor in the hallway just outside your bedroom door.

As I said earlier, do this with the active participation of your child. Talk to him and take decisions regarding the starting date and the rewards as well as how you will celebrate success. Just make sure you don’t set goals that are not achievable. Try to make each step an easy one. Spend ample time on each step till your child is willing to move on to the next step. You may want to add incentives at every step to expedite the progress.

In the beginning you might have to face failure in the sense that after a few days your child may crawl back to your room in the middle of the night. This only means that you need to go back to the first step and spend some more time on it. Think of greater rewards and more encouragement, but don’t give up. Give lots of love and appreciation but remain firm. Try again, you will succeed one day.

Above all, remember to give sufficient time to your child. Trying to rush him will get you nowhere. However, if you go about your plan slowly and systematically, and wrap it up with plenty of encouragement and rewards, you should be able to get there.

Article Source: http://www.thatarticleguy.com/articles

Dr. Noel Swanson's website provides free expert parenting tips - just sign up for his newsletter and get a free chapter of his book, The GOOD CHILD Guide. Why not discuss parenting issues with other parents on a parenting forum?
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